“True stories, well told” — Lee Gutkind.

We recently celebrated our first anniversary! Every few weeks or so, I get the feels about one of the most joyous days of my life. And this is not hyperbole. Not only because it was a long time in the making, but it was a real testament to how much love and support we received from our family and friends.

I wanted to carefully piece together the planning and execution process of the wedding of our dreams and have a permanent record I can look back on. I considered a video diary of sorts; a package of “reels” and it all seemed to overwhelm me. Hence my only getting to it now. Besides, I have always been better with words. I call it my wedding memoir, but you can view as a sort-of wedding survival guide with tips and advice if you, too, are planning your own wedding.

Tip 1: Figure out what’s most important to you and your partner.

We decided early on that we would make every decision together, no matter how mundane or tedious. We had a few pow-wows to discuss which parts of the wedding were most important to us, where we would want to put in more financial resources and what areas needed more negotiation and compromise between us.

Honestly, for me everything was important because I had a vision, but I had to zero in what the priorities were. Quality photography and videography, gorgeous decor and a good DJ were non-negotiable. For hubby, It was important to have good food and drinks and to look sharp.

Determine your budget early because that will inform your decision-making along the way. In order to put together the best event team we could gather, I spent quite a bit of time researching by looking through specific hashtags on social media and seeking word-of-mouth recommendations. Our wedding planner also made some great suggestions along the way.

The same thing goes for your guestlist. Finalizing ur guest list was extremely difficult and there were so many people we wanted to invite that we just could not because of budget limitations and COVID restrictions. When we made the initial list, we had nearly 300 people written down, most of them being family members. We had several conversations to figure out how to cull the list to make it more manageable.

With each milestone — sending the save-the-dates; facilitating resort reservations; mailing invitations — we had to reassess the COVID restrictions and stay ready to shift gears. That made things challenging.

Therefore, always make sure you and your partner are on the same page!

Tip 2 – Easily stressed? HIRE A WEDDING PLANNER.

Speaking of a wedding planner, we chose Kimberly Dunkley-Watkins of Dragonfly Events. I cannot stress enough how incredibly helpful it was to have a wedding planner. While I had the amazing opportunity to live and work remoteluy in Jamaica, I did not live there full-time so it was valuable to have someone on the ground to do the grunt work when necessary.

Even though I thoroughly enjoyed the planning process and thinking about the big picture of the day, my planner was instrumental in figuring out details that I would never have considered. She made several site visits to confirm the placement of all the structures we would have to erect and organized the food and bar tastings as we finalized our menu and signature cocktails. Her value was even more critical the closer we got to the wedding, particularly 3-5 months out.

The main reason we chose Kimmi was because she had proven experience working with the vendors we were considering and at the venue we had already secured. Our venue was a dry venue, meaning we had to bring in everything ourselves — from all of the furniture, to the dining ware, to all the staff, and even the bathrooms! We had to erect tents, install a dancefloor and basically do everything from scratch. So having a full-house planner who was able to help us navigate all of that and make the day-of coordination seamless and smooth was priceless.

Tip 3 – surround yourself with the right tribe.

I thought carefully about who I wanted by my side during the wedding journey and on the wedding day. I wanted to be surrounded by my family and friends that have become my family; people who have been a part of the journey of love between hubby and I right from the start and who have seen the evolution. It only made sense that they were a part of the next step of the journey and we are grateful for their advice and support throughout the years.

It was also important that our personalities gelled together since not everyone knew each other and some would even be meeting for the very first time. Even before I “proposed” to my bridesmaids, I checked in with each of them to express that I wanted them in my bridal party and to give them an overview of what they can expect of the physical and financial commitment. I wanted to make it as carefree and comfortable an experience as possible.

How did I propose? I wanted the proposal gifts to be special, while also relating to our wedding and my personality in some way. I also wanted it to be useful. I thought about DIY-ing it myself but I’m really no good at those things, so I headed over to Etsy and found these super cute, already packaged boxes. I was also able to make a couple of customizations. My girls loved them!

My husband and I, along with our planner, managed most of the wedding preparations, so my bridesmaids did not participate in that way. Their support came through in speaking up when I needed second and third opinions about things and staying on track when it came to ordering the bridesmaid gowns. That was an interesting process — one that I will likely not repeat.

I don’t love the traditional, identical look so I wanted each of my bridesmaids to wear dresses in different styles that reflected their personalities. I wasn’t super particular about hairstyles either. I just wanted them to glam up and be the sophisticated women they already are.

I looked for bridesmaids dresses on sites like, Bridal Babes, Revelry, Azazie etc., but did not find anything I loved. Therefore, I decided to go the custom route. At first I looked for a local U.S. designer but eventually went with an international designer, Ann Usman based in Nigeria, to create and design the dresses. It was a stressful process because the timeline of delivery changed often. In the end, and truly due to the help of my bridesmaid’s sister who lives in Nigeria, we were able to get the dresses to the United States. Overall, the quality was great, but some of my bridesmaids still had to do some alterations.

The groomsmen rented their charcoal grey suits from The Black Tux — it was overall the most convenient option and the quality was great.

Everyone looked STUNNING and DAPPER!

Tip 4 – CHOOSE THE RIGHT VENUE

We had decided our wedding would be in Jamaica long before we even got engaged. As you know, I am from Cameroon and my husband is from Jamaica and we are always intentional about sharing about and participating in each other’s cultures and customs. Therefore, when it came to the weddings, we knew that we wanted to incorporate both my Bangwa customs and the more westernized Jamaican customs in our wedding. At first, we thought it might make sense to get married in the U.S — it was neutral ground where both sides of our family would have to travel to, making it a little more fair for all involved.

However, for the type of wedding we wanted and for the number of people we would be expected to invite, we knew the cost in Chicago would be astronomical. In the end, we decided to do the traditional African ceremony in Cameroon because it felt inauthentic to have it anywhere else, and the westernized “white wedding” in Jamaica. Best of both worlds!

Finding a venue was an adventure. We envisioned a beautiful, outdoor wedding with a view of the sea in the day and a sky full of stars at night. Therefore, setting a date between January to May when temperatures were milder was crucial.

We wanted a venue that allowed the flexibility for us to bring this vision to life; a large space that could accommodate a growing number of guests. It also needed to be accessible to all the family and friends traveling to Jamaica.

We had several ideas and reached out to and visited a few places, including the Trident Castle, Strawberry Hill Hotel, Borghinvilla, Firefly Estate, Good Hope, Bellefield Great House, Tryall Club and Fortlands Point. It was a really fun exercise to compare and contrast what we were looking for against our wants, needs and ultimately, budget.

Prospect Estate in St. Mary was love at first sight. And Caren, the property manager, made the decision even easier. She did the full tour where we checked out all 5 stunning villas, the gorgeous private beach and the Great House atop the hill. She answered all of our questions and really sold us on all of the property details. It definitely checked the boxes and fit the bill for what we were looking for. We used the Eight Rivers Villa grounds for the wedding ceremony and the Prospect Great House for the reception.

Tip 5 – Don’t skimp on the photographer!

Finding an amazing photographer was very high on the list of important wedding must-haves for hubby and me. When the wedding is over and everything is a blur, your photos will stand the test of time. You will want to share them with family and friends and those who were and were not there will want to see them. You will probably want to frame some for your home. You may even want to send out thank you cards with images from the wedding. Therefore, they are well worth the invetsment.

I had known for years who I wanted to photograph my wedding, were it in Jamaica. I had been a fan of Adrian McDonald’s work — Lexon Photography — for years and I had even reached out to him way before our engagement (LOL) to get his wedding day rates to be fully prepared.

I liked the artistic style of his images — dramatic yet soft; sharp yet muted at the same time. He made us feel so comfortable on our wedding day and all 1300+ photos we received had a story to tell.

tip 6 – Hire a videographer.

Some people question whether a videographer is needed. I say, ABSOLUTELY. There is a different memorialized version of the day when you view it in motion. In my opinion, pictures are amazing, but a well-edited video summary of the day is truly the bullseye.

Our videographer, Reynaldo Martin, encapsulated our wedding day in such a beautiful way. He captured all of the emotions — nervousness, anticipation, excitement, happiness, thrill and love — in a non-intrusive manner. We loved that he and Adrian had worked many times together in the past because their professional chemistry was seamless.

We had originally requested an unplugged ceremony because we wanted the professionals to do their work unencumbered. However, we did not press the issue on the day and so people took videos and pictures. It was a blessing seeing their images and videos from different angles while we waited for the professional shots. Some guests even captured some aspects and moments that the photographer and videographer did not.

We received a 3 minute trailer (see below), a 36-minute video and a separate hour-plus-long video of the reception (toasts and dances). It was worth it!

Tip 7 – MAKE IT STYLISH.

The wedding dress discussion was an interesting one for me. It was important but, believe it or not, it was not as high on my priority list. I didn’t really have a budget in mind other than my wedding dress had to cost more than the most I have spent on a carnival costume. HA! Does this really make sense? No, not really but to me it did. The idea was that If I am willing to spend $1,600 on a carnival costume, I should have the same energy for my once-in -a-lifetime wedding dress.

So my budget was determined. Next, I needed to decide what dress styles I liked most. Criteria: Timeless.

I was drawn to the grandeur of the classic princess ball gown dresses but also loved the modernity of a gorgeous, fitted mermaid or trumpet dress. Therefore, I opted for both! I wore the stunning Milla Nova “Audrey” dress for the wedding ceremony. It was an off-shoulder, corseted mikado dress with a zip at the back and buttons trailing all the way down the train. The train was long for effect — about 8 feet — but not unmanageable. For the reception, I changed into an Essense of Australia sparkly lace ivory-over-champagne spaghetti floral mermaid dress with sheer sides, a long train and a super-low open back.

It is advised that you order your dress at least six months in advance, and even that is cutting it close, especially in the post-pandemic era.

For me however, I knew what wedding dress I wanted absurdly early. A full year. Even after going to three wedding shops with my friends and trying on over 30 dresses, I could not stop thinking about the ball gown I saw online.

Trying on wedding dresses at bridal stores!

I saw my dress on Instagram one random night on a wedding page and loved it right away. I stalked the designer’s Instagram page and website for weeks and months and found other brides wearing the dress. I watched a bunch of videos to see the dress in motion and decided to take a huge risk. I decided to go against the traditional route of ordering my dress, waiting months for it to arrive and making alterations. Instead, I bought a sample dress for half off the original price from the online store of a wedding shop in Virginia, sight unseen and without trying it on. I guess-timated the fit based on the designer’s size chart and prayed I made the right decision. I DID!

I also went against the grain when it came to my second dress as well. It was second-hand. I loved the Essense of Australia D2770 style after having tried it on at a bridal shop but again, did not want to place an order on a new dress. After all, I will only wear these dresses once. Therefore, I scoured the internet high and low and came across this website, Nearly Newlywed. These are pre-loved wedding dresses worn only once. It was relatively risk-free in that I could return it if it did not fit and if there was an aesthetic issue, like stains or tears. I bought the dress for more than half-off the retail price and when it came, I could not tell that it was pre-owned. It looked brand new!

If you are looking to save money, those are a couple of ways to do it!

Just as important as the dress(es) is, it is the accessories that make the entire outfit come together. I wanted to be comfortable but always remain classic. I wanted to look back on our portraits and not feel like they were dated and specific to a particular time or decade. So I was careful about the hairstyle I chose, the shoes I wanted and the jewelry I bought.

It was a no-brainer for me that I wanted to wear my natural hair during the wedding. It would not have fit my personality to wear a wig or a weave since I don’t wear those often. I ended up doing a low chignon even though it was not my first choice. Sadly, my hair was just not cooperating in the humidity to do the curly style I wanted. No regrets though — I am so glad I kept my hair off my shoulders because it would have been a disaster by the end of the night. I kept it super simple with a hair comb at the back.

For jewelry, I went with statement teardrop earrings and complemented them with a cute bracelet and necklace. All silver.

I bought several shoes for the wedding weekend and had big plans to switch shoes with each outfit change. I went with the most comfortable — the Manolo Blahnik “Hangisi” in off-white. I later changed into sandals when it was time to get on the dancefloor.

For my “getting ready” shoot, I bought a pair of pajamas as well as a beautiful robe. I did not want to stress myself out by over-thinking about a glam shoot. It was not a priority of mine, and I did not want to spend hundreds of dollars on a robe that I may never wear again. The robe I got had gorgeous subtle details like crystals and pearl beads, and I have worn it a couple of times since.

My husband had a custom black tuxedo made by a local Jamaican designer, Spokes Apparel. They also made a second green jacket for the reception.

Tip 8 – DECOR & DETAILS! INCLUDE TOUCHES OF YOUR PERSONALITY.

Decor was very important to me and definitely took a large chunk of our budget. I wanted an elegant garden wedding-aesthetic with lots and lots of florals, a mix of bold and muted colours and touches of wood and greenery to give an earthy feel. I spent a lot of time on Pinterest creating a focused mood board and zero-ing in the elements I wanted. Being the psycho I am (LOL), I even created a detailed decor guide for my design team so there were no misunderstandings about what I wanted. I like what I like, and I’m paying for it.

The billion-dollar wedding industry makes us think we need to have every single thing engraved, customized or in our “wedding colours”. I probably did more customization than was necessary, but I don’t regret it one bit. However, you don’t need to be like me. I am here to tell you that not everything you buy for your wedding has to be a keepsake.

However, we loved our customized welcome sign, cake topper, wedding favours (coasters and popcorn) and wedding flutes. We also gave our bridesmaids and groomsmen personalized gifts. Among them, the bridesmaids received personalized pajamas, bracelets with a pendant of their initial, earrings, house slippers and a personalized tote. We gifted the groomsmen a personalized duffel bag. Most of these items were purchased from Etsy.

We did not have a traditional seating chart on an easel or on a mirror. Instead, we decided to do a champagne wall with individual rounds that indicated each guest’s name and table number.

We loved our guestbook! It was a blank, customized polaroid guestbook where our guests took pictures, stuck them in the guestbook and wrote a note of well wishes. If you don’t know this about me, I love photos. So having them in our guestbook was fun to look back on. It was also a great way to keep the guests engaged during cocktail hour. Who doesn’t love instant photos?!

Another way we kept our guests engaged, but this time during the reception, was having a 360-degree video booth.

We also had packaged confetti, cute ceremony programs and dinner menus placed at each seat. We can’t forget the classic car we rented! It made for some beautiful pictures.

Our reception was an enchanting dream and it was brought to life by the amazing team at Petals and Promises. Nestled under a clear-top marquee, the team maintained the romantic atmosphere with overhead greenery chandeliers and fairy lights dotting the sky. We used long estate tables to ensure the space did not feel crowded with our 125 guests. Each table was decorated with long floral garlands and candles. The garlands provided a burst of pastel colour with blush, peach, white, blue and purple flowers in a bed of greenery. We preserved the touch of glam with gold shell chargers, gold flatware and green wine glasses, each place setting personalized.

I also loved our floral circular arch at the ceremony!

During cocktail hour, there were a couple of things I was insistent on — a romantic swing and ample seating, which included a green, tufted couch I searched high and low to find. With flowers, of course.

Our most unique vendor was a live wedding painter. I love art and in thinking about our future home, I thought it would be lovely to have a whimsical piece of artwork of our wedding. Ayanna Dixon fabulously painted our wedding ceremony. We used the final piece to make really cute thank-you magnets to share with our guests.

A DREAM.

Tip 9 – don’t forget to do a makeup and hair trial.

I went with my wedding planner’s suggestions when it came to choosing a makeup artist and hair stylist. I did not have any experience with either of them, and I used their social media to affirm my decision. I did not really plan to do a trial because I did not want to spend the extra money and honestly, I trusted the makeup artist and hair stylist’s work based on their social media. It turned out very well for me, but please do not rely on curated Instagram posts. Always do a trial.

After toying with the idea for a few weeks, I decided to book a makeup trial on the day of our engagement photoshoot. Kill two birds with one stone, I say. Sue did an amazing job and I looked gorgeous all day. However, it was a good exercise because we were prepared to make tweaks on the wedding day. I looked and felt beautiful. The airbrush makeup was a wonderful choice and it held up throughout the entire day and night.

Tip 10 – Plan a pre-wedding event with close friends and family.

We called it a “rehearsal dinner” but it was more than that. It was a pre-wedding event with our wedding party and closest family and friends. We did not want our families — mainly mine who made the long journey to Jamaica — to come all that way for just one event. They would have been glad to do so, but we wanted to make their trip even more worthwhile. Therefore, my husband’s parents kindly hosted a rehearsal dinner.

We rented out Evita’s Italian Restaurant for our large group of 50 people. It was a bit stressful because the day before our wedding was pretty busy, but it turned out to be a good time. In fact, I don’t think I had the opportunity to speak to some people after that night because there was no time at all on the wedding day. It also served as a great way to introduce our families to each other because most of them had never met.

Our immediate families and wedding party stayed in 4 villas on the Prospect Estate property, so it was great to be able to visit each other. We didn’t plan any formal events, but we definitely had friends come over to hang out, drink and kick it.

We did not organize any tours but I learned that a group of family members who were staying at the hotel decided to do an impromptu tour to Dunn’s River Falls and Bob Marley’s birth home. I’m happy they got a chance to do some sightseeing, as well as enjoy the marvelous Moon Palace Jamaica resort.

If I could do our wedding over, I would have added a fun, casual activity like a cruise or bonfire the day after the wedding. We considered it but the budget just did not allow and we had to make difficult decisions based on our priorities.

Tip 11 – prioritize the food and bar.

Food and drinks were pretty important to my husband, and to be honest, my mother as well. We originally wanted to do a plated dinner — that is the epitome of sophistication, especially for the formal setting we demanded. However, when thinking through the logistics and cost of additional servers, we decided to go with a buffet. I resisted this for a very, very long time and really tried to figure out how to make a plated dinner work, but I had to surrender in the end.

Thank God it turned out great! We compromised on having plated soup and salad courses and a buffet entree. Dinner did move slower than I thought but it gave a chance for the guests to interact. Our planner and her team also did a good job coordinating and ushering the guests in order to make the line move quickly and in an organized manner. We also had dedicated servers so we could actually EAT.

While our guests savoured their four-course dinner catered by Celeste Gordon from Whip It Up, we used the opportunity to greet everybody personally and thank them for making the journey to celebrate with us.

This sparks a memory from the year prior, when we did our food tasting at Celeste’s home. It happened on my birthday, so we took the opportunity to dress up and indulge in our very own private lunch where we sampled our full menu.

At the wedding, we also had late-night snacks — home-made patties and Garrett popcorn direct from Chicago — to keep our guests energized while dancing. There were lots of laughs, lots of hugs and priceless love. Everything was very tasty!

We did not do our cake tasting until a week before the wedding, but we had booked our baker — Leanne Cooke — months before, solely based on our planner’s recommendation. We took a lot of chances and placed a lot of trust in our planner. It was a five-tiered vanilla marble and semi-naked wedding cake with caramel buttercream. It was our only dessert, so we made sure we had enough for everyone. But as expected, we had leftovers. It was gorgeous and delicious!

Where there is food, there is drink! We contracted Premium Bar to handle our open bar. We had a tasting with their expert team of bartenders a few months before the wedding to brainstorm and create our signature cocktails. We served two cocktails during cocktail hour and opened up the full bar during the reception. This was definitely a good strategy because, for all of the wine and liquor that we had, we almost ran out by the end of the night at 1am. Our peeps are some drinkers LOL!

Everything came together seamlessly and I definitely left the wedding hearty and full. Make sure you eat!

Tip 12 – roll with the punches AND ENJOY!

It is easy to ruminate and think about all of the things that did not go exactly right or according to plan. There were definitely some faux-pas and mistakes that, at the time, irritated me but absolutely do not matter now. Things WILL go wrong and you have to get creative with solutions. That is the benefit of having a good planner or day-of coordinator. The show must go on and one day, all of those mishaps will make a good story. By the time we were done with the toasts, I was ready to get on the dancefloor and let loose!

We wanted our wedding to be FUN. And we did that by getting one of the best party DJs in town. DJ Bloodline Franco ate it up that night and left no crumbs. He played songs for the older crowd to get them on the dancefloor but when they started to head out, it was time for the younger folks to shine. We danced and laughed, cheered and yelled for the remainder of the night. When I look at the pictures, I get transported back to that time and place. We had such an amazing time! Just knowing we were able to bring our loved ones together and throw this grand party was the icing on the cake.

So our wedding came and went in the blink of an eye. What was the takeaway?

I learned the lengths that family and friends who love and care about you are willing to go to in order to make our day/week/year special. I learned to ease up on the reins — never letting go because control is my toxic trait — and trust the people around me and the process a lot more. Whenever I think about the nearly two years leading up to our wedding, I am filled with gratitude and awe. A whole 125 people showed up just for us? That is wild.

The journey was long and expensive; it was a meld of different traditions and customs; it was assertiveness and compromise; it was the tug of war between deciding what is key and letting go of passing fads. It all culminated to wonder. And we did it. Together.